yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
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