There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
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