Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Randomize
