I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
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