i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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