Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
