Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Randomize
