while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
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