i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Randomize
