just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
