you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize