I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
Everything about him screamed your future.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
