come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Randomize
