Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
