By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Randomize