If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
