I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Randomize
