when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Randomize