i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Randomize
