Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Success! We fucked roommates!
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
