I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
