YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
my phone needs a breathalizer
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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