YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
how does that bad decision feel?
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