saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
