He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Randomize
