As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
