It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Randomize
