I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Randomize