God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
