Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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