If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Randomize
