oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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