Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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