So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
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