Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
