I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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