I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Randomize
