mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Randomize
