from now on my penis is your penis
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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