don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
