There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
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