ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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