Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
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