Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(832): View more from Houston, Texas

New invention idea: vibrating tampons

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(503): View more from Oregon

after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.

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(802): View more from Vermont

I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.

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(352): View more from Florida

I used to practice getting hit by cars.

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(703): View more from Virginia

using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.

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(901): View more from Tennessee

She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.

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(215): View more from Pennsylvania

Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts

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(617): View more from Massachusetts

She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.

(802): View more from Vermont

Campus is too small for this to keep happening

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(702): View more from Nevada

he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂

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