three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
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