Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
