Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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