I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
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