Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
