I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
my vag is so smooth its legendary
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
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