I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
