Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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