the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
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