Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
I think I just shit out all my problems.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
