ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
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