fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Randomize
