Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Houston, we have a blender
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Randomize
