I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
