I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
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