So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Randomize