Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
should my penis look like a turkey
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize
