I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Randomize
