New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
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