Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
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