easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Randomize
