Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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