if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
You smell like stripper and shame
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
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