Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Randomize
