I think I won the penis lottery.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize