I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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